My Journey

by laurie howland

I can feel the weight of my foot on the pedal
As I merge onto the highway
My fear is felt in my hands
As they grip the steering wheel
Fear of the driving
Of the journey
And mostly of not knowing my destination
 
But I drive
Slowly
I see the first exit
And because of fear I take it
I do not know if it is the right exit
But it is an exit
That gets me off the journey
An excuse
A hope that it will lead me to something
But as I navigate the ramp
I see nothing familiar
Nor comforting
It is the wrong exit for me
 
Despite my fears
I return to the highway
And try to relax into the driver’s seat
Telling myself that I am in control
For I am the one steering 
It is my foot on the pedal
 
I see another exit
And repeat the same thing
I begin to wonder if every exit will be a disappointment
Showing no signs of comfort
Offering no hope for the future
Is there no exit for me?
 
As I repeat this process exit after exit
I start to become more aware       
That my hands are loosening on the steering wheel
I begin to relax a bit
And start passing exits
I know they will hold nothing for me
Finally learning from my past
I even dare to move into the center lane
Leaving the comfort of the slow lane
Patience and courage will get me there
I just need to keep driving
Steering
Till I find where I want to go
I allow the music to play louder
Enjoy the warmth of the sun coming through the glass
I appreciate the scenery of each passing exit

For this is my journey
My adventure
With so much to offer 
Other than fear
My confidence grows that I will find the right one for me
And till then I can enjoy the ride
 

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